Sexdating

My(16F) Tutor(26M) keeps trying to flirt with me

2020.10.10 14:22 toxicistoxic My(16F) Tutor(26M) keeps trying to flirt with me

Okay so I recently changed schools and one of the older students was our teacher for two days. He seemed really nice and was doing a good job teaching. Yesterday he messaged me (he got my number from the class group chat) and he seemed nice at first but then invited me to come over to his place and play videogames. I'm pretty naive and didn't see a problem with it but then my sister asked who I'm messaging and I told her. She said that it's 100% a sexdate and I was kinda confused and said I'm sure it isn't, he knows I'm just 16. But then her friends and even my dad said it's obvious and I shouldn't go. We were kinda joking and after some messaging I asked if my sister and her boyfriend can come with me and he said that he was "looking to get to know me better so he'd rather meet me alone" which made it veery obvious. It was supposed to be today. Yesterday evening he asked me if he can just pick me up and we get some food and play videogames at his place (it was around 11pm at that time) but I said I'd be outside with my sister and her friends. Now he keeps messaging me and I really don't want to talk to him, the whole thing has creeped me out and I'll have to spend 3 more years with him. What do I do? Thanks in advance.
TLDR; my tutor was flirting with me and now I don't want to talk to him again but he'll be at my school for the next few years. Help
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2020.09.27 20:36 Itislogiccc123 Experiment or not?

Hello everyone,
I’m a 22 year old bisexual male. I come from a conservative family and am bisexual. I have very few experience with women (just kissing) and no experience with men. I know I want to marry a woman in the future because of my conservative family, the heteronormative society and because I don’t see myself marrying a man. Now my question is: are there any bisexual men that also had doubts about whether they should experiment with a man? Did you eventually choose to experiment with a man or not? The reason I’m asking this is because I’m scared that if I experiment with a man I only want more and that won’t be possible if I marry a woman (don’t want an open relationship). But I’m also scared that if I don’t experiment with a man I will always wonder what it will be like and it will drive me crazy. Is it better to experiment or not? And also I feel like I should have sex with a woman first before I experiment with a man, I don’t know why I feel this way. But it’s not easy getting a girlfriend, but it’s very easy to have sex with a man (on grindr you can get a sexdate within an hour). Should I experiment or not and should I have sex with a woman first before I experience with a man?
submitted by Itislogiccc123 to bibros [link] [comments]


2020.09.27 18:48 Itislogiccc123 Experiment or not?

Hello everyone,
I’m a 22 year old bisexual male. I come from a conservative family and am bisexual. I have very few experience with women (just kissing) and no experience with men. I know I want to marry a woman in the future because of my conservative family, the heteronormative society and because I don’t see myself marrying a man. Now my question is: are there any bisexual men that also had doubts about whether they should experiment with a man? Did you eventually choose to experiment with a man or not? The reason I’m asking this is because I’m scared that if I experiment with a man I only want more and that won’t be possible if I marry a woman (don’t want an open relationship). But I’m also scared that if I don’t experiment with a man I will always wonder what it will be like and it will drive me crazy. Is it better to experiment or not? And also I feel like I should have sex with a woman first before I experiment with a man, I don’t know why I feel this way. But it’s not easy getting a girlfriend, but it’s very easy to have sex with a man (on grindr you can get a sexdate within an hour). Should I experiment or not and should I have sex with a woman first before I experience with a man?
submitted by Itislogiccc123 to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.09.07 10:01 immion My (25) GF (26) of 2 years had arranged a sexdate with another guy but cancelled last minute.

Yesterday while my GF was under the shower I sent her a picture on FB with those stupid filters, intending to make it the Background on her phone. So I opened her FB chats to get the pic on her phone when I unexpectedly see she cancelled a date with a guy I know she had been romantically involved a few years ago. It struck me because she had not told me she was in contact with him nor that she intended to meet him. I trust her, but I know people are stupid, so I confronted her after she came out the shower. I asked her what the matter was with him and she replied that he kept on writing her and that she wasn’t actively seeking it but just didn’t say no and never actually met him. I then told her I needed to read their texts in order to get a grip on reality again. She refused and said she needed to think about it and didn’t feel comfortable with me Reading it. But I insisted and said I frankly don’t care about her not being comfortable with it. So she did let me read it. What I read made me feel disappointed but also relieved. She indeed never met him. She did arrange a date with him 2 times (one time only a few weeks ago and the other about half a year), but both times she cancelled on short notice. It was obvious that they intended to have sex, and they were talking about past experiences they had. Also she wasn’t all that passive and was also (re)-initiating the the conversation, giving him compliments. She was crying and sobbing after I read it, said she felt ashamed , said it wouldn’t happen again yada yada yada. The whole time I was incredibly calm and collected. I didn’t really know what to feel or think about it. I wasn’t feeling any anger or sadness. I was calming her and we took a little walk. Everything seemed normal and that didn’t change for the rest of the day. But today I feel it’s nagging on me more and the disappointment gets greater. Usually she is the first to criticise Men for their shitty behaviour towards women but then does this with a guy that douchy. Right now I can’t tell if I can cope with that lack of integrity. I still love her and we have a really good relationship, but that is actually a dealbreaker for me. How do I find out If I should end the relationship or if I should give it some time and see if I can regain trust.
submitted by immion to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.09.02 17:17 motoboy_rentista How to deal with compromised user accounts?

Hi guys,
I'm taking care of a Django applications. It's a fairly large application, it's a social network. The application staff reported compromised user accounts posting porn spam. There are at least 1100 accounts posting spam.
I'm getting this kind of messages on the comment comments section:
¡Las chicas jóvenes y hermosas quieren conocerte! El mejor sitio de citas sexuales gratis! entra y únete http://sexdating.webjx.site 
How to deal with this kind of problem?
submitted by motoboy_rentista to django [link] [comments]


2020.09.01 23:01 onlyhereforanna Should ist just let it go or try to fight ?

Throwaway cause she is pretty activ on Reddit and I don't want to cause more trubble then there already is (Also Englisch is not my first language and I'm on mobile since this seems to be important here )
So I met this beautiful girl a few months ago and when we first met we agreed to just be fwb because we both just came out of kinda toxic relationships ( hers was more resent than mine ) And we wanted time to heal We agreed to just keep it like that since September . At first it was working fine we have a lot in common and connected really good . In the first weeks we only had sex and like talked after But then on one of our sexdates she told me she had her period , and I was like yeah no problem if you want we still can do something . So we just did a nice lil trip walked through the woods and got to a bar afterwards , when she drove me home ( my car was broken at that time ) we both didn't wanna go home so we just sat down and talked , started making out and she blew me . After all that action I told her I would date her for real if the circumstances where different and she told me the same thing . A few weeks got by we had a bunch of real nice dates ( always with sex included ) I started to feel like this could be something serious and she dropped a few hints too . Fast forward , she spent the weekend with me and we had like the most amazing sex we ever had and cuddled afterwards and were generally closer then ever . The next date we wanted to see each other she told me she doesn't wanna see me anymore because she didn't want to have sex anymore due to some stuff going on she couldn't feel it like it was when we started doing it . I told her I liked her as friend and just wanted to spend time with her even without having sex or anything . She said that we had to cut out all the romantical things too and I was a little bit confused because I couldn't see how cuddling and stuff would be a problem if only her libido was the thing between us . But I was like okay I'm fine as long as I don't have to cut you out of my live . She said some stuff like she didn't want to lose me too but we had to wait a few weeks before seeing each other again so we could get used to the status quo and we couldn't be close again. So I agreed and secretly hoped that when she got her shit dealt with there would be another chance for us because I really like her and could totally see us becoming old together . At first we texted normally but then I started to feel the difference and she took longer to answer , or didn't answer at all . When I asked her what's wrong she told me it doesnt feel right anymore and I'm putting pressure on her . I suggested that I will stop texting her for a few days but the could call/ text me if there was anything I could help her with or she just wanted to talk . She agreed on that and since that day I feel like she Is starting to get used to cuting me out of her life and everything we ever shared is gone . Like a breakup you know ?
When we started dating we used to share kinda everything and had conversations going over text we started when we were together ,like shared our life's with each other and she totally stopped doing that .( Well me too but because she felt it as a pressure )
My guess is that we became to close for her and She started having feelings too But she didn't want to catch feelings and it was easier to cut me out right now Instead of trying to build a relationship and doing it later but with more pain . She told me a few times she wanted to do therapy before rushing into the next relationship and I agreed with that , but I never thought that she would coldblood cut me out of her life as soon as we get to close ( that's my guess and it makes the most sense ) So my question is , should I try and " fight " ( don't really know how to do it in a situation like that ) Or just let it go and try to move on for good, even if that means to cut contact with a girl I kinda saw my future with .
submitted by onlyhereforanna to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.07.20 12:57 fullasian off topic someone's story

Sex is dying, relationship in danger. How to stay constructive?

📷 [new]
M 40, F 32.... here comes a long story (a bit of venting too I guess), with a simple question at the end.
Not so long ago none of this was even remotely thinkable.... But in a seven+ year relationship (distance, so mostly weekends and long weekends with weeks here and there), of which the past year and a half living together.
We met up for a sexdate once when my heart was broken. We had already met once at a party before and she remembered me from making out with her girlfriend back then (even though I had one, kinda lame but done deeds).
I wasn't that attracted to her, but we clicked like crazy and had great sex with her knowing some cool tricks topping it off. I didn't know how or what and was unsure if I could ever really give myself to her - but there was something about her that you don't usually come across. I've often heard from gf's that's how they view me btw. Also, I note that it was the sex that got us together in the first place. She got interested in me when I said I fail to see the value of lesbian porn.
This is gonna be a long story :D LMAO.
Any way, as time passed I realized I had the goose with the golden eggs. She lived a simple life in a small town where people get by on sex, drugs and the likes. All the stuff I like, I won't lie. She worked at a supermarket and knew little of the world - but had a much clearer view of the small things than I will ever have. I fell in love with her and she already was in love with me. We were crazy about each other. And every time we had one of our weekends it was like we had built our own temple to honor our religion of superficial but very real love, with ourselves as the deities. It was too good to be true - but true it was.
We were very happy and agreed that it worked perfectly for us. She had lost a lot of weight and enjoyed the new her. The new her happened to be my exact type in many ways. It was almost shameful - that's how innocently over the top yet truly blissful it was. It was with her that I have experienced what it means to be truly happy and in line with the cosmos, if only for moments.
So we may not have had the Chinese wall up, but we probably could have delivered the cement for it.
Anyway - at some point she wanted to move forward and I guess that makes sense. Only problem is me. I'm not like most people. There is no true forward with me. I exist in a time and place and that's it. There is no plan, no great belief. There never has been, and there probably never will be. I do stuff. I am politically active and organize and create stuff for that. I used to do a lot of sports but have run into some physical trouble that still needs sorting. That has hurt my self image a lot btw. Also I have no more friends left after years of depression and have a hard time really connecting with people nowadays. That has also hurt my self image.
When we started living together she brought a tax debt with her. And she had no job. She was supposed to look for one but was feeling bad, depressed. So took her a while. We got into fights because of the stress that brought along. After a while she found a job as a postal worker that she is very happy with. But she works crazy hours and needs the rest of the time to recuperate - which I can't blame her for, she works her ass off and I'm proud of her and happy for her.
But as we moved on problems appeared.
Full disclosure: I have a diagnosis of personality disorder (this just keeps getting better huh?) - high scoring on borderline traits, but not enough for a full diagnosis, and low on anti-social p.d. traits. It has taken me a while to understand some of the things the report said. Some of it made me angry back then (almost 7 yrs ago), like the statement that I could not feel true, unconditional love. But I am starting to understand, even though it scares me. On the other hand I'm unsure if unconditional love makes actual sense. I don't believe all this defines me, but I guess that needs to be told before we move on.
At some point it was clear she was unhappy. I basically have no friends left like I said so socially we were in a difficult spot, with her moving away from her social setting to move in with me. I feel a bit guilty about this, dragging her into nothing. On the other hand she also has very difficult time hanging out with acquaintances of mine, sometimes a bit too much for my taste.
Also, my father got diagnosed with cancer in 2018 (he has passed away 28 januari of this year) and that didn't really help either.
At some point, while doing our thing one night, we were talking and she spoke about her unhappiness and said she had thought about breaking up. I guess that was the first watershed moment. The way she casually said that was unexpected to say the least. I was still in the "rough water, but still us" state of mind.
From there I kept getting the idea she was withdrawing. She became cold and sometimes ever so slightly disrespectful. I started losing trust and last year when we went to a festival, usually our time to shine and love, something broke in a way.
Where we trusted each other 100% (it was so natural) once, I was now losing that trust. I started thinking she lost interest and that day she really kept me hanging on in a way that shocked me, emotionally.
We have since talked that through and she agreed and understands. But all of this has had an effect on me. I don't feel as comfortable around here like I did anymore. I've become insecure and a bit untrusting. I often feel rejected now.
Through some conflict and talk we kind of found each other again, but the sex has become a problem.
These things happen.
The problem I have is that she seems hellbent on turning our former good sex life into one of uncomfortable, held back, rather dry and boring sex.
She claims it is because she wants to normalize a bit (we used to pull a lot of all nighters)- which is okay, but what actually happens is nothing. No initiative, and she seems to have become scared of sex and my expectations (which used to be our expectations).
I understand you can't pressure someone and I wouldn't want to do that. But as things are, talking about it has become very uncomfortable.
She says she wants to slowly work back, but her attitude towards sex has become a very big problem to me. I would never choose someone with an attitude like that, and am afraid I am getting stuck with a dead sex life with the woman who had it all.
It's just dying in front of my eyes and I simply don't trust it, emotionally. I feel like I'm being suckered into the one thing I can't put up with, even though she says that's not the case and to an extent I believe her. But the day and night difference has been getting to me.
I am seriously becoming uncomfortable with where this is going and am shocked to be here now with her.
I will honestly say I have no interest in a relationship with someone who is not sexually compatible with me. And somehow that is what we seem to be becoming.
I feel guilty, but also betrayed (which is not truly warranted, I know). We talked about these things so much when all was well. I was very honest about who I am and what I expect/need and that it had always hurt me that I felt ashamed in earlier relationships for wanting what I want. Not with her.
But here we are again.
TL;DR and question.
Used to have great sex, great click, very comfy. Since living together times have been difficult, then got a bit less cold. Now it seems she's become averse to everything that's more than a quicky and even those are highly uncommon. I'm afraid our sex life is going to change into something that I simply can't get by with and it's driving me crazy.
How can I somehow midwife this thing until it gets better - or not, which is a possibility. How can I be constructive about this when emotionally it's draining me and triggering feelings of loneliness, despair and what not. How can I keep the issue somewhat at the front without pressuring her? How do I keep this from triggering resent on my side?
Just looking for tips and perspectives that can help me give this the honest and constructive chance it deserves.
I understand it will take effort from my side, and it must be fair. Help me out.
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2020.07.17 21:07 pilea_sausage Advice on not getting hooked on gbl?

Hey everyone. I'm new here but been reading anonymously for quite a while. To me: I'm a rather shy person and always in my head. I want to meet new people/have random sexdates but then get too anxious. I've tried different drugs before, and they were all fun but this awkward feeling always remained.
Long story short I recently got my hands on some gbl and it's been different. I can meet new people no problem and always had a great time. As I'm very cautious with any drug I did a lot of reading up beforehand so I know what my sweet spot is currently. I've been using it mostly before going on dates and the beginning at home to see how I'd react. Currently I do it 4-5 times a week in evenings but to me it feels already too much and thoughts are going more and more into the "will this be better with g as well?" direction.
So my question is does anyone have any tricks on how to keep the dosage very moderate because I have the feeling willpower won't cut it.
Thanks!
submitted by pilea_sausage to GHB_info [link] [comments]


2020.07.15 22:27 Grasgar Wenn dieser Subreddit schon genutzt wird brauchs Regel

I mean ja hier ist nicht viel los, aber es kann doch nicht sein, dass hier Nudes gepostet werden, während hier unter 18 Jährige posten(!), oder gar ein 15 Jähriger nach Sexdates fragt.
Also es braucht wenigsten eine nsfw oder sfw Festlegung, wenn hier weiter gepostet werden soll.
submitted by Grasgar to schwul [link] [comments]


2020.07.11 20:28 Pepperman37 Breaking up because of a Medical Condition? Lichen sclerosus, Overstrained...

Hello dear community,
Im a 25 year old guy and having a relationship since 3 years. I'll just try to sum up the situation so you can get an idea of what is going on.
My sex drive is above avarage, I am realy kinky ( to the point that im making money of building BDSM furniture ), and I am having a nearly sexless relationship since 2 years. I had a previous relationship of 3 years with my ex girlfirend but we broke up because of sexual incompatibility and some other reasons ( she treated my like sh**). She was vanilla and had a very low sex drive. It was a horrible time for me and i promised myself never to live life like this anymore since i was missing out on one of the most important things there is for me.
But here I am..not the same situation but the result is nearly the same. I was super careful when i started dating again 3 years ago when i met my now girlfirend. At first everything was fine but after a while she started having serious problems of medical nature and started having dry skin, chronic pain, fissures and of course no libido at all. After 2 years of hoping and waiting and living like a monk again she was finaly diagnosed with a chronic condition named lichen sclerosus. There is no therapy for it, you can just try to decelerate the progress of the condition. Knowing its not her fault at all and she can't do anything about being in this situation breaks my heart. She is a victim of a serious condition that will affect her sex life for the rest of her life.
But this whole thing taxes me a lot..since her libido is gone i get no sexual attention at all. I even notice my self esteem getting worse and worse. With this relationship and the last one I " lost" 6 years of sexual experience and activity that i deeply crave...Im in my " best days" and I know those years will never come back. But i love her..i realy do...but i also supress my needs and its making me more and more bitter with time....Im in a spiral of supressing and ignoring this topic untill i get a mental breakdown after a few months and then starting again to build up all that paint and frustration.
She even gave me a free pass to meet with other girls but i dont know if i can have sex with other girls. I know it would break her heart....and i dont want to live a live with endless sexdates...
All our friends think we are the perfect couple...but we both know we are in deep shit...Me with knowing i am missing out on something i need, and her with the constant pressure of not being able to fulfill my needs. Even when we talk about breaking up we just cant do it somehow...we cry a bit and after a while we start joking around talk about random shit , order pizza and have a great time...until we fail to ignore that huge pile of sh**.
In addition it realy makes me sad that she does a better job of ignoring all this because she isn't realy missing anything because of her missing libido like she admits. But I have to deal with this frustration everyday and sometimes i feel like her roommate....
Thinking about breaking up with someone i love deeply is killing me.
Thanks so much for reading. Please excuse my bad english..
tltr: Girlfriend got a medical condition not allowing her to have sex regulary since 2 years ( sometimes weeks-months and only vanilla sex ), my sex drive is above avarage and kink is a huge part of my life. But i also love her a lot and feel like i only can lose no matter how this ends.
submitted by Pepperman37 to BDSMAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.07.11 20:24 Pepperman37 Breaking up because of a Medical Condition? Lichen sclerosus, Overstrained...

Hello dear community,
Im a 25 year old guy and having a relationship since 3 years. I'll just try to sum up the situation so you can get an idea of what is going on.
My sex drive is above avarage, I am realy kinky ( to the point that im making money of building BDSM furniture ), and I am having a nearly sexless relationship since 2 years. I had a previous relationship of 3 years with my ex girlfirend but we broke up because of sexual incompatibility and some other reasons ( she treated my like sh**). She was vanilla and had a very low sex drive. It was a horrible time for me and i promised myself never to live life like this anymore since i was missing out on one of the most important things there is for me.
But here I am..not the same situation but the result is nearly the same. I was super careful when i started dating again 3 years ago when i met my now girlfirend. At first everything was fine but after a while she started having serious problems of medical nature and started having dry skin, chronic pain, fissures and of course no libido at all. After 2 years of hoping and waiting and living like a monk again she was finaly diagnosed with a chronic condition named lichen sclerosus. There is no therapy for it, you can just try to decelerate the progress of the condition. Knowing its not her fault at all and she can't do anything about being in this situation breaks my heart. She is a victim of a serious condition that will affect her sex life for the rest of her life.
But this whole thing taxes me a lot..since her libido is gone i get no sexual attention at all. I even notice my self esteem getting worse and worse. With this relationship and the last one I " lost" 6 years of sexual experience and activity that i deeply crave...Im in my " best days" and I know those years will never come back. But i love her..i realy do...but i also supress my needs and its making me more and more bitter with time....Im in a spiral of supressing and ignoring this topic untill i get a mental breakdown after a few months and then starting again to build up all that paint and frustration.
She even gave me a free pass to meet with other girls but i dont know if i can have sex with other girls. I know it would break her heart....and i dont want to live a live with endless sexdates...
All our friends think we are the perfect couple...but we both know we are in deep shit...Me with knowing i am missing out on something i need, and her with the constant pressure of not being able to fulfill my needs. Even when we talk about breaking up we just cant do it somehow...we cry a bit and after a while we start joking around talk about random shit , order pizza and have a great time...until we fail to ignore that huge pile of sh**.
In addition it realy makes me sad that she does a better job of ignoring all this because she isn't realy missing anything because of her missing libido like she admits. But I have to deal with this frustration everyday and sometimes i feel like her roommate....
Thinking about breaking up with someone i love deeply is killing me.
Thanks so much for reading. Please excuse my bad english..
tltr: Girlfriend got a medical condition not allowing her to have sex regulary since 2 years, my sex drive is above avarage and kink is a huge part of my life. But i also love her a lot and feel like i only can lose no matter how this ends.
submitted by Pepperman37 to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]


2020.06.11 03:29 killigeo How to get casual hookup dates through online?

So yeah this is going to sound weird and desperate but it is not. I managed to never actually be in love with someone and have never been loved in the relationships I had. Never goes further than butterflies so never real love love feels. And when we had sex a couple of times those butterflies were gome again
I don't want to hurt people like that and let them feel underappreciated just because I'm a cold dick because after Everytime I regret I did it. So I'm looking for people that want the same as me that I will not end up hurting.
So yesterday I decided I should just look for casual hookups via dating apps and websites. Tinder and the like just doesn't work and there are an awful lot of fake websites or pay-to-message websites that will drain your money with fake accounts.
So my question is: how does one get an actual casual hookup / sexdate through online means? Are there things I have to look out for apart the things I already mentioned and STDs.
English is not my first language
submitted by killigeo to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.06.02 15:36 pieterjansenvm Victoria Milan sexdates-de-pan-uit-swingen

Victoria Milan is de datingwebsite voor getrouwde mensen of stellen die op zoek zijn naar een avontuur in vertrouwen.
Bij Victoria Milan draait het allemaal om het vinden van PASSIE en het opnieuw LEVEN!
Niemand kan je dwingen ONGELUKKIG te zijn en je eenzaam te voelen!
Vind je Gepassioneerd soulmate.
Gevangen in een eentonige relatie? Miss gevoel passie en opwinding? Herbeleef de passie - vind een affaire! 100% anoniem en discreet.
Of je nu op zoek bent naar een onschuldige competitie online, een avontuur van één nacht of een langdurige romance, Victoria Milan doet er alles aan om je een veilige, anonieme en vertrouwelijke omgeving te bieden.
Het is jouw leven en het is gewoon te kort om te verspillen. Vraag jezelf af: Wanneer voelde ik me voor het laatst echt LIVE? Wanneer was de laatste keer dat je je hart voelde springen van opwinding? Wanneer heb je voor het laatst vlinders in je buik gevoeld?
De kans is groot dat het bijna lang geleden is om het te onthouden. Het is tijd om te stoppen met leven met spijt en met passie te gaan leven. Laat een nieuwe kans niet door je vingers glippen. Doe gratis mee!
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2020.05.26 23:12 meloneee Why does it bother me to see him on grindr when i'm on there myself?

Title. I am going on sexdates and trying to find guys myself, so why does it bother me to know that he's doing it? Not like he's gonna fuck me anyway even if he wasn't fucking anyone else....
submitted by meloneee to askgaybros [link] [comments]


2020.05.19 21:06 ludivine20 Is waiting 4 weeks for.a sexdate too.long?

I met a guy online and we talked a lot. He says i am pushy and demanding because i want sex all the time while he admits he wanrts it oo. I have been waiting 4 weeks for him. And my period is already almost starting. I am always very horny before my period. Last month i tried to meet with him as well but he was too busy etc. I realised this is my second period while chatting with him. He says he wants sex with me but when it comes down to it he is either too busy or not.horny enough. When i say ok you dont want me, fine let's move on he tries to pursuade me to keep in touch bc he wants me so much.
I feel.confused.
submitted by ludivine20 to sex [link] [comments]


2020.05.19 10:56 DWGer Sex is dying, relationship in danger. How to stay constructive?

M 40, F 32.... here comes a long story (a bit of venting too I guess), with a simple question at the end.
Not so long ago none of this was even remotely thinkable.... But in a seven+ year relationship (distance, so mostly weekends and long weekends with weeks here and there), of which the past year and a half living together.
We met up for a sexdate once when my heart was broken. We had already met once at a party before and she remembered me from making out with her girlfriend back then (even though I had one, kinda lame but done deeds).
I wasn't that attracted to her, but we clicked like crazy and had great sex with her knowing some cool tricks topping it off. I didn't know how or what and was unsure if I could ever really give myself to her - but there was something about her that you don't usually come across. I've often heard from gf's that's how they view me btw. Also, I note that it was the sex that got us together in the first place. She got interested in me when I said I fail to see the value of lesbian porn.
This is gonna be a long story :D LMAO.
Any way, as time passed I realized I had the goose with the golden eggs. She lived a simple life in a small town where people get by on sex, drugs and the likes. All the stuff I like, I won't lie. She worked at a supermarket and knew little of the world - but had a much clearer view of the small things than I will ever have. I fell in love with her and she already was in love with me. We were crazy about each other. And every time we had one of our weekends it was like we had built our own temple to honor our religion of superficial but very real love, with ourselves as the deities. It was too good to be true - but true it was.
We were very happy and agreed that it worked perfectly for us. She had lost a lot of weight and enjoyed the new her. The new her happened to be my exact type in many ways. It was almost shameful - that's how innocently over the top yet truly blissful it was. It was with her that I have experienced what it means to be truly happy and in line with the cosmos, if only for moments.
So we may not have had the Chinese wall up, but we probably could have delivered the cement for it.
Anyway - at some point she wanted to move forward and I guess that makes sense. Only problem is me. I'm not like most people. There is no true forward with me. I exist in a time and place and that's it. There is no plan, no great belief. There never has been, and there probably never will be. I do stuff. I am politically active and organize and create stuff for that. I used to do a lot of sports but have run into some physical trouble that still needs sorting. That has hurt my self image a lot btw. Also I have no more friends left after years of depression and have a hard time really connecting with people nowadays. That has also hurt my self image.
When we started living together she brought a tax debt with her. And she had no job. She was supposed to look for one but was feeling bad, depressed. So took her a while. We got into fights because of the stress that brought along. After a while she found a job as a postal worker that she is very happy with. But she works crazy hours and needs the rest of the time to recuperate - which I can't blame her for, she works her ass off and I'm proud of her and happy for her.
But as we moved on problems appeared.
Full disclosure: I have a diagnosis of personality disorder (this just keeps getting better huh?) - high scoring on borderline traits, but not enough for a full diagnosis, and low on anti-social p.d. traits. It has taken me a while to understand some of the things the report said. Some of it made me angry back then (almost 7 yrs ago), like the statement that I could not feel true, unconditional love. But I am starting to understand, even though it scares me. On the other hand I'm unsure if unconditional love makes actual sense. I don't believe all this defines me, but I guess that needs to be told before we move on.
At some point it was clear she was unhappy. I basically have no friends left like I said so socially we were in a difficult spot, with her moving away from her social setting to move in with me. I feel a bit guilty about this, dragging her into nothing. On the other hand she also has very difficult time hanging out with acquaintances of mine, sometimes a bit too much for my taste.
Also, my father got diagnosed with cancer in 2018 (he has passed away 28 januari of this year) and that didn't really help either.
At some point, while doing our thing one night, we were talking and she spoke about her unhappiness and said she had thought about breaking up. I guess that was the first watershed moment. The way she casually said that was unexpected to say the least. I was still in the "rough water, but still us" state of mind.
From there I kept getting the idea she was withdrawing. She became cold and sometimes ever so slightly disrespectful. I started losing trust and last year when we went to a festival, usually our time to shine and love, something broke in a way.
Where we trusted each other 100% (it was so natural) once, I was now losing that trust. I started thinking she lost interest and that day she really kept me hanging on in a way that shocked me, emotionally.
We have since talked that through and she agreed and understands. But all of this has had an effect on me. I don't feel as comfortable around here like I did anymore. I've become insecure and a bit untrusting. I often feel rejected now.
Through some conflict and talk we kind of found each other again, but the sex has become a problem.
These things happen.
The problem I have is that she seems hellbent on turning our former good sex life into one of uncomfortable, held back, rather dry and boring sex.
She claims it is because she wants to normalize a bit (we used to pull a lot of all nighters)- which is okay, but what actually happens is nothing. No initiative, and she seems to have become scared of sex and my expectations (which used to be our expectations).
I understand you can't pressure someone and I wouldn't want to do that. But as things are, talking about it has become very uncomfortable.
She says she wants to slowly work back, but her attitude towards sex has become a very big problem to me. I would never choose someone with an attitude like that, and am afraid I am getting stuck with a dead sex life with the woman who had it all.
It's just dying in front of my eyes and I simply don't trust it, emotionally. I feel like I'm being suckered into the one thing I can't put up with, even though she says that's not the case and to an extent I believe her. But the day and night difference has been getting to me.
I am seriously becoming uncomfortable with where this is going and am shocked to be here now with her.
I will honestly say I have no interest in a relationship with someone who is not sexually compatible with me. And somehow that is what we seem to be becoming.
I feel guilty, but also betrayed (which is not truly warranted, I know). We talked about these things so much when all was well. I was very honest about who I am and what I expect/need and that it had always hurt me that I felt ashamed in earlier relationships for wanting what I want. Not with her.
But here we are again.
TL;DR and question.
Used to have great sex, great click, very comfy. Since living together times have been difficult, then got a bit less cold. Now it seems she's become averse to everything that's more than a quicky and even those are highly uncommon. I'm afraid our sex life is going to change into something that I simply can't get by with and it's driving me crazy.
How can I somehow midwife this thing until it gets better - or not, which is a possibility. How can I be constructive about this when emotionally it's draining me and triggering feelings of loneliness, despair and what not. How can I keep the issue somewhat at the front without pressuring her? How do I keep this from triggering resent on my side?
Just looking for tips and perspectives that can help me give this the honest and constructive chance it deserves.
I understand it will take effort from my side, and it must be fair. Help me out.
submitted by DWGer to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.05.17 16:19 ludivine20 A guy offered to bring me a pill for the morning after if we would not use a condom!!!!

So i chatted with a guy for a while online (we had a common real life friend and were in the same facebouk group) and after a while it became more sexual. He suggested a sexdate which i was quite up for bc of the lack of sex in the last 2 months At a certain point he was going on about if we could do it without a condom. I said no i always use protection. He went on and on and pushing it. Finally saying he would bring me a morning afterpill if i would do it without a condom. Hoe weird and disrespectfull is that!!!!
He finally apologised after i explained how disrespectful and dumb it was to suggest this. And that the after morning pill is really only for emergencies. I am not going to take that and put my body through that because a guy is too lazy. Of course the sexdate is out of the question now. But i am still.shocked.
P.s. not to speak of the possible side effects of this pil, because a guy is too freaked out to use a condom. Its too bizar for words.
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2020.04.26 16:26 MeCathy What do you do after the guy finishes as fuck buddies

So I once had a sexdate and it was our first time together. We had already been sexting a lot and he had warned me that the first time probably wouldn't take long. I was fine with that, but I must say, I was not expecting this. So I got there and we started making out and taking each others clothes of, but this part only took a total of like 3 minutes. We went to the couch where I started giving him a blowjob which I really like to do, but I had barely started and he already pulled me up to get on top of him. After that we did some doggy and he came in me while he was on top of me in missionary. The entire thing, from me walking in the door until he came, lasted for maybe ten minutes. But the thing that bothered me most was the fact that the minute he came, he got up, left me lying there, unsure of where he was going, asked me if I wanted to use the bathroom and started cleaning himself up in the kitchen. So I got up and by the time I had sorta cleaned up, he was already dressed again. I told him the next day that I had liked the experience but that I would have liked to just lay in bed a bit longer or have some more attention for each other physically after cleaning up, but he just said that boys usually don't do that. Perhaps my expectations were to high because of all the sexting, but I just felt like I had barely started and it was over. I was in and out of there in half an hour. It's a fourty minute drive for me to get there and fourty minutes back, and I really don't mind, I really kinda like driving, but if this is how it's going to be every time I don't know if I want to spend all that time driving, for a sexual experience of a total of ten minutes. So I was just wondering about your experiences with friends with benefits kind of situations. Do you have some sort of afterplay and what does it look like? Or do you consider that to be too romantic or something when you're not actually a couple. I'm just unsure how to handle this situation.
Edit: Thanx so much for all the great responses so far. I've been in a really dark place the last couple of years and this really made me doubt myself and my expectations again. You guys really made me feel better about myself again. Not everything is on me.
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2020.04.07 22:05 Dschaenz Your opinion on men in Dating Apps?

So. I (male) recently accepted that I'm bisexual. And as social distancing got me bored, I started using Tinder. And to be honest, I met some nice people. But well, there's more...
Thanks to my female friends I knew men on dating apps could be very forward and even creeps. But it's something different experiencing it myself. I mean i've been on there half a day and got two men telling me they want to blow me and one that's at least just asking for my preferences. No smalltalk, straight to the point.
And don't get me wrong. I'm totally fine with people meeting online for sexdates. It's Not what I'm looking for but you can do whatever you want. But couldn't they at least write what they are looking for in their profiles? So I know what I'm signing up for if I swipe right?
What do you think? Is it decency to have at least some smalltalk or should you get right to the point? Is it annoying to get asked for sex all the time or aren't you bothered? And what are your experiences with dating apps?
submitted by Dschaenz to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.02.05 18:50 LordDickOfCumster Should I tell my tinder sexdate that Im a virgin? (M)

Dumb question, but Im really insecure.
So Im M, 28, never had sex and Im about to have a sex date with a girl from tinder. She obviously has a very high sex drive and Im really looking forward to the date.
Now I fear that if I tell her Im a virgin, she blows off the date. But on the other hand I dont want to embarras myself when I dont know what Im doing.
Can the girls of reddit give any tips on this? :)
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2020.01.29 21:22 jul_ii How has Somatic Experiencing changed your life? What can one expect from it?

Hey guys,
Im 24yo, male and about to finish my Bachelors. Generally, my studies has been more of a continuous internal struggle with myself, rather than the actual material itself. During my last semester I realized - after starting my journey in meditation, mindfulness and self-awareness - that I had unhealthy coping mechanism during my first two years of my BA (mostly smoking weed every day). Besides that I also started to notice that I am struggling with difficulties concentrating, retaining information and a short attention span. Studying itself is just painful, I feel so many negative feelings and I also procrastinate a lot. Most importantly I am struggling with executive functioning. With meditation, exercise and mindfulness I tried to manage this in a more healthy way, but with little to no results. I know that this may not sound as severe, but I literally had to postpone my studies one more semester - it is limiting me, holding me back and literally just paralysing me. I barely could deal with deadlines, prioritise tasks, I felt overwhelmed and exhausted so easily.
With regards to dating (mostly into men), I had so far never been in a relationship. I have difficulties connecting with others (as well with friendships, but as Im outgoing and pretty social, or at least I used to be before my self-discovery journey this was less of a problem). I have met 3 people that I could imagine entering a committed relationship. Though, in each cases, the feelings were just too intense. I couldnt self-regulate and the relationship was mostly toxic and one-sided, the other being avoidant. Usually I used to be the avoidant person with other encounters. Regarding sex: the less personal, the more anonymous, the less intimate and the harder the better. If I meet someone after a sexdate where the chemistry was amazing, after getting to know each other more, I noticed that I try to avoid or have as less sex as possible. Also with the three people I have fallen for I have had little to no sex with. I guess its about intimacy that I am avoiding.
I believe all this is a result of some form of emotional trauma in the past. I have been reading more about Somatic Experiencing and I am really into it. I have made an appointment by a SE practitioner in two weeks. What I hope from this therapy is to become more aware of my body, establish a body-mind connection, self-regulate my nervous system and lessen/eliminate my symptoms mentioned above. I am aware that this is longterm process. Im not expecting a quick fix and I am willing to do the work. I want to live my life to the fullest, be the architect of my life, be passionate about my study and work and be able to thrive while doing the things that I like. Im curious whether I am delusional, and expecting unrealistic expectations.
Therefore my questions to you: How has SE helped you, in what way and in which context of your life? How did your life look before and how does it look now? What about your relationships? How long and under which circumstances did you start SE therapy? How did your over all journey look like? Im really curious to know!!
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2019.12.30 19:03 Laetitia94 What if a guy.says you are (just) average

Last year I had quite some dates and sexdates either through tinder or real life dating/sex and last guy i went on date with he said to me i was quite average. Because he said this i didnt want to contInue the date. He said he didn't see it as a negative thing to say this, but is just straighforward in his remarks he said.
What do you people think when a guys says these kind of things to you. Like you are average or he had prettier girls etc etc. It doesnt seem like he wanted to hurt me by saying this. But personally when a guys wants to date me or wants to have sex with me or is already having sex with me i really prefer it if he finds me beautiful/ attractive/ pretty, even if i dont like my own looks particularly (or even not at all). I had the same kind of scenario earlier this year there was a fwb that i was seeing for 6 months and after 6 months i asked him if he liked a certain photo of me and if i looked beautiful in it. He answered well you are not pretty but not ugly either. Although at least they are honest it kind of ruins it for me. I always hope that people that date me, or sleep with me, or even when they just try to chat me up in a bar find me wildly attractive .
P.s. and btw what if you ask a guy. Do you think i am attractive and then he hesitate and says hmmm.... yeah well you are not pretty but not ugly either, you have a characteristic face.
submitted by Laetitia94 to dating [link] [comments]